A Baker's Dozen Of Limericks For Halloween

[maugorn]

As I basked in the endorphin rush of a lovely fall bike ride, I thought it a good time to do my annual batch o' limericks for Halloween. This year, my baked brain brained out a baker's dozen!

I know that I'll never forget
This Halloween Eve, the best yet!
You keened in the night
I sighed with delight
Then died. Now it's time that we met

I woke in the night with a scream
From out of a terrible dream
Of you taking lives
With bright shiny knives
And not choosing me for your team

Those kids on my lawn, I do curse
They're noisy and have no remorse
I sought some surcease
Through murder, some peace
But turns out that haunting is worse

I have a collection of heads
In jars underneath all my beds
But now I must face
I've run out of space
So, I'll collect fingers instead

The spiders and I have a pact
That they will not by me be whacked
Unless they are seen
In my mezzanine
Then swift, with my broom, I will act

Those curious fools have unleashed
My radioactive green yeast
And now, I do fear
It's infected the beer
But hey, it's quite tasty at least

The horrors crawled out of the pit
With tentacles, claws, and green spit
They slimed on my rug
And asked for a hug
Then snoozed by the fire, a bit

They came to the door wearing masks
For candy they cheerfully asked
Although they were cute
I gave them the boot
And now I reside in a cask

They say that I'm bad and should rot
For munching on kiddies and tots
It's not that I prey
On children per se;
The grownups won't fit in my pots

Your "murder machine" is quite nice
It chops them all up in a trice
But it's not for me
Because, as you see
The personal touch is _my_ vice

I'm sorry, I just cannot be
Too far from my home by the sea
The vampire bats
And dozens of cats
Prefer that my friends visit me

Her voice slithered out in the night
"Please Dear, do not turn on the light
My hairdresser erred
With some chemicals weird
And I don't want to give you a fright."

The market aisle filled with a mist
As I read the ingredient list
I found on a can
That said "Deviled Spam"
And said "I'll give this one a miss."

Edit:
I was on a roll, and apparently I had one more in me. So here is #14 of 13.

I slaver. I raven. I drool.
But I am no zombie, or ghoul
Who moans in the night
And gives you a fright
I just think Justin Bieber's SO COOL!

Have a happy and appropriately spooky day!